Do me a favor...

      Tomorrow we will have three new children coming.  I would be lying if I said that i  wasn't a little bit scared...

      Some people, after finding out that I am a foster mom say "Wow! That's so admirable!" Others say "wow! I could never do that!" and still others have said things like "Why would you do that to your own children?" Once someone said "Oh I would never do that with MY children in the house because MY children need to know that they come first!"  As if inviting an orphan into our home is going to ruin the childhood of my biological children. As if we are letting monsters into our home...

      Let me tell you a little story...

      My daughter, who turns 10 next week has her own room.  She decorates it just so and has all of her things in place.  She has a cute frilly pink throw pillow with the saying "put your big girl panties on and deal with it" sewn onto it right smack dab in the middle of her bed.  This week, after learning of the children that would be joining our family, she excitedly decided she wanted to share her room and immediately began preparing for her new foster sister to join her.  After a while she came down and said, "Mom, you know the pillow that grandma gave me? Well I think I'm just going to put that away for now.  If i was in that situation, i probably would like to see that." 
      Could I have a more proud mama moment? I gave her a hug and encouraged her sensitivity and compassion.  What a blessing of a child.
      This is only one recent example of one of my children demonstrating Jesus' love to another, but there have been many.  You see, this ministry... this is not ruining my children.  It is giving them people to share life with. To share blessings with.  To make memories with and create lifelong relationships with.  Not everyone will understand why we do this, but we still will.  Not everyone will see the ins and outs of life...the victories and accomplishments...the seeds sown.  Not everyone will see and understand the heartbreak that comes with being a foster family.  But they will also not see the magnificent fruit.  The way that God can weave broken lives together to make a beautiful masterpiece...And He does...

     Do me a favor....

      When you hear the horror stories, remember us.  When you hear someone say "Oh I know someone who did foster care.  What a mess." remember us.  Remember that unconditional love is possible.  Remember that we are all in this world together and sometimes a child just needs someone to care, and love.  Like Jesus does.

      Please don't think of me as super mom.  Please don't think I am "tooting my own horn"  or portraying some kind of superhuman image of love.  I am human.  I fail.  I could sit here and tell you just as many stories of times that i didn't love like Jesus does.  Times I've given up.  Times I'm not proud of.  It's life.  It happens.  But I will keep on keeping on, because I understand redemption. And I know that God is not finished with us yet.  He is making our lives a masterpiece.  A beautifully brutal and broken masterpiece that is full of love and grace.  Grace restores hearts, and love, well, the greatest thing you could ever do is love.

do not be discouraged, mama

I remember coming home from the hospital with my son when he was born.  He was my heart's delight.  For him I prayed so many times, and my deepest longing for another child had finally come to reality.  Those first few days were rough though. I remember being up with him almost all night the first night he came home. He cried and cried and I thought to myself, "What if this lasts 6 months...or even worse..? What am i going to do?" it was like a sudden dread. All he wanted was to be held and oh how I wanted to sleep.   But then in the wee hours, after i had rocked and sung, bounced and shhhhed; in the still of the night The voice of the Lord came upon my heart and said "this is your time to be with me. Draw near to me, my child, while you rock your baby.  Rest in ME, lean on ME, come to ME.

 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  Matthew 11:28-30

My children are still young and I have a lot to learn about life and motherhood, but in these past few years, if nothing else, I have learned that He is there.  He is with me.  He is with me when I am pleading for forgiveness for not spending time with him today and now I am just. too. tired.

When I have lost my temper, He is there, not giving up on me.  When I am praying as I fold the laundry and feeling guilty because I am being a multitasking prayer, He is there reminding me that He loves my company.  When devotions with my kids are not feeling enjoyable because they are arguing over who gets to pray first, and I am like "seriously?" He is there, reminding me of the victory that they actually want to do the praying.  And when I am sitting still in His presence with my coffee in the morning,( just how I would love to be every morning, but let's face it moms, that's pretty much impossible) I am so thankful.  I am reminded that HE IS THERE.  And I have so much to be thankful for. 

And I have come to realize that when my heart is focused on HIM, I can not help but smile and be thankful, because He is with me. And oh how He loves me.

Tonight as I was putting my toddler to bed, I layed there on the floor next to his bed thinking of all the other things i could be doing with this forty five minutes, (because that's where we are in the bedtime battles) and  that still small voice of the Lord said..."Come to Me, draw near to me, talk with me..." And once again, my heart calmed and filled with so much gratitude.  not for all I have, but for who He is.  I forgot about the work that needed to be done and just talked with my Jesus...

 "Come near to God and he will come near to you." James 4:8

He knows our hearts.  He knows we are busy and tired and overwhelmed.  But He is right there with us. So come to Him, no matter where you are, and let your heart fill with His joy and peace.  We can find it in this crazy thing called motherhood....

2014...the hardest year yet...

Wow! did 2013 REALLY go by THAT fast?? Yes, I believe it did.  It must be that I am getting older and all that stuff that "old" people used to say about time flying is becoming true! YIKES!

I have been contemplating this new year, and like most everyone else I have some things on my heart and mind that make up what I think 2014 will look like....

Well, I was trying to find a "life verse" for the new year...something really profound...something I had never noticed before...something new.  but as I prayed, God brought me back to the most basic verse that probably every christian knows and has quoted at some point or another.  It's Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  I didn't wonder  why He brought this to my heart.  I already know. 2014 is going to be hard.  it is going to be full of change, tears, what ifs, what might have been's....

You see, we have had the same two fosters for a week shy of a year.  We have been through some rough times, crazy times, wonderful times...growth, joy, sadness, disappointments, holiday memories, family court, therapy and lots and lots of love.  Lots of sticktoitness (if that's even a word).  Not giving up.  Trying to show these two what Jesus' never stopping love looks like. YES, I will love you when you punch me in the face! YES, I will love you if you spit on me! YES, I will love you when you break my things, tell me you hate me, scream at the top of your lungs, throw fits in public, and be completely thankless for my hard work.  YES, I will love you when you tell people all of the horrible things about me and none of the nice things, when you complain about the gift I give you that wasn't really what you wanted...I will still love you.  I will yell at you, and then apologize for yelling at you because I don't think that's what Jesus would want from me.  I will try my hardest and do my best to be the comfort that you need but don't think you need.  Even when I tell you for a year every night that I love you and you never say it back...I will still love you.  I will not be perfect for you, but I will love you, and I will not give up on you.

We have only been a foster family for a few years, but I can tell you that children do not stay in care forever.  So this year either they will go home to their mother, or we will adopt them.  It is hard to say right now which way it will go, So I wait on the Lord.  But either way, it will be difficult.  But the Lord has been working on my heart.  Reminding me that these children, along with my own are only lent to us.  His plan is so gloriously grander than my thoughts, and no matter what, He will take care of them. And us.

He will give patience when needed, mend the broken hearts,  give me the words to say when none of mine come out right, walk with us along this path and continue to carry us to our purpose.  He will use me, an ordinary person; us, an ordinary family, to do BIG things.  Like let two little children, who were given up on and kicked out, know that there is a God that loves them and people that love them.  And no matter where 2014 takes us, I can know with every ounce of my being Psalm 73:25-26.  "Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides You.  My heart and my flesh may fail; but GOD is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

So this year I throw out MY goals....my "I want to eat right and read more books goals." Just give me Jesus.  This year I will wake up every morning and say "good morning, God.  Where are we going today? Who will we love without limits today? How will we be your hands and feet today?" 

Just give me Jesus.

Because I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

Today...

Today I took time to enjoy my kids. it doesn't always come naturally.  Some days I am running around like a frantic lunatic to get everything on my to-do list done.  Some days I am so irritable that if one of my kids so much as chews too loudly in my ear...

But not today.

Today we did not go anywhere.  We stayed home.  Actually I had three of my friends' kids over so I guess on paper i should have been a bit frantic. but I wasn't.  It was nice.  So what was different about today?

I didn't have a to-do list, for starters.
And I just felt thankful.

Me and Waylon played in the back yard and looked for tomatoes in the garden...I made cardboard creations with my kids (ones which they played with all day! go figure!) We had sherbert with sprinkles, and when the girls were done with their showers I brushed and blow dried their hair (which is not an every night thing).  We read our devotional and talked about how to show God's love at school tomorrow.

But the best part about today....

Tonight as I told Hailie (my foster daughter) how special she was and how much I loved her, she looked up at me, fighting back tears.  They were welling up in her eyes and I could tell that her walls were falling down but she just didn't know how to let them.  She said nothing to me, just hugged me real tight.  But I know she heard me.  It might take some more time, but one day I hope she trusts me enough to believe me.

Lord, don't ever let me get too busy that I forget the importance of encouragement.

 ^"whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away."  James 4:14

Hope

2 Chronicles 7:14

if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

Back in Noah's day it must have gotten pretty bad.  I mean, God decided to flood the entire earth because of all of the sin and evil in the world.  Noah was faithful.  He trusted God no matter what.  He did what he knew was right despite all of the negativity he received from his community. 

How bad does it have to get before Jesus will come back for us?  Look at us.  We've had slavery, the holocast, over 50 million babies killed in abortions and the latest news of doctors delivering babies alive and beheading them!  We have grown men who believe God made them to love little boys, little girls being sold as sex slaves, porn addiction at an all time high, drugs and violence in schools, and governments who are taking God out of their practices.  How can we possibly be asking God to bless this?  the world is filled with broken hearts.

These thoughts come to me at a time when I am questioning the path that I am on and where God wants me to be.  My life is His and I want to glorify Him, but I am struggling with being content as a foster mom because it is soooo hard at times.  But today it came to me...

The world needs Jesus.  And it doesn't have to come in the form of a big to do.  It's got to be grass roots style.  It will start in the hearts of our children.  I have seen such growth in my foster kids in the three short months they have been with us.  How could I give up now?  The love of Jesus can move mountains, and it can move hearts. It can change the world...If we let it.

If God has you on a rough road, hang in there.  Look for opportunities to share His love with someone.  Jesus is coming no matter what...our gifts to Him will be those times we served Him.

I will leave you with Colossians 4:2

"Continue earnestly in prayer, being vigilant in it with thanksgiving"

2013...and my thoughts on the new year

Well it's a new year and like everyone else I have some things I would like to do differently this year...Some "new years resolutions", and yes of course on that list is to eat better and exercise more.  But everyone puts that on their list right? Every year right?  Well this is my year for that...haha...i mean it!  I'm pushing 32 and I just can't eat chocolate cake like I used to!  But as I have approached the new year I really have had some things on my heart that I would like to change and I have to get them down on virtual paper (aka my blog) because if i don't see them I will most likely forget what my original intentions were!  SO scatterbrained!  (and yes, accepting that part of me is on that list too!)

I started this blog a few years ago when we lived on a farm in Richmond Kentucky.  Our house was probably over a hundred years old and was falling apart and we lived on 175 beautiful acres with not a neighbor in sight.  We moved out there to get away from the city.  It was so simple on the farm.  I did not frequent walmart.  We ate what was in the garden.  I made dinner from scratch and new clothes from old clothes.  We hung out under the pear tree and hiked around the property.  we burned our trash and hung our clothes on the line.  I loved it there.

When we moved off of the farm, things changed.  We became a foster family, we had another baby.  Life got busier.  I slipped slowly into the routine of consumerism...more than i would have liked to.  

fast forward to today.

I realize more and more that my kids are growing up too quickly, God has given us foster kids, and before we know it they will be grown.  This year I vow to never take for granted my family.  They mean everything to me.  I vow to play with them more and prioritize that over cleaning the house.  the house will always be messy no matter how much i clean...that's just life with little kids.

This is the year of simplicity for me.

I will not get too busy to spend time with God every day. (I had a cup of coffee with Jesus this morning...i want that every day)

I will REALLY enjoy my kids (even the teenagers!)

I will prioritize my life (which means more reading and less facebook)
 
I want to write more, spend time with the people I love, accept myself and love myself for who God made me to be....to not be so worried about what others think of me, to really pursue God's will for my life, to make homemade tea like i used to, and to really just enjoy the little things.  This may seem like a long list but it is all integrated in my scattered brain and it makes sense to me.

God has been working in my heart a lot lately and I truly believe that this year HE is going to do big things through me.  But only if I abide in HIM...and that I will <3 font="font">

"They delight in doing everything the Lord wants; day and night they think about His law.  They are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit each season without fail.  Their leaves never wither, and in all they do they prosper."  Psalm 1:2-3

Happy New Year! The best IS yet to come!!! 

Seasons and contentment

I have been in prayer a lot these past few days.  Praying that God will use me, to show me where He wants me, to reach those that He wants me to reach.  You see, sometimes, as a stay at home mom, I feel like my task at home is preventing me from reaching people out in the world.  I lose sight of the fact that my home is my first ministry.   I am a mom to a little girl and a baby boy, and a foster mom to many kids who come and go.  My prayer is always that God uses me in their lives...that seeds are planted here and then watered later on down the road.  But a lot of times I have a longing in my heart to do more...

Today God showed me something...He showed me that I need to trust where He has me...

The kids and I were on our way home from walmart this afternoon, the last stop to a very long and busy day.  In a shaded area of the parking lot sat a family of three.  A mother, a father and a little boy who looked to be about four or five.  The man held a sign that read "hungry and homeless".   Emily asked what they were doing so I told her what their sign said.  Then God laid it on my heart to be compassionate towards them and to provide for them.  I remembered James 2:15 which reads "If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food and one of you says to them 'Depart in peace be warmed and filled' but do not give them anything, what does that profit?...Faith without works is dead".  I felt it heavy on my heart that I needed to show Emily what faith in action looked liked.  

We live not a mile from walmart so I looked back at her in the back seat and said "how about we go home and make them some peanut butter sandwiches?"  she got excited and replied "ya mom that's a great idea!"  I told her I thought that would make Jesus happy.  So we hurried home and packed a little sack lunch with sandwiches and chips, candy for the little boy and a brand new pack of crayons along with a new notebook that we had laying around.  Oh and a little flyer from our church with the service times on it.  We drove back to the same spot where they were and lo and behold they were not there anymore.  We looked around the parking lot for them but could not find them anywhere.  I explained to Emily why  now we needed to pray for them. And we did pray for them, around the dinner table.

If God laid it on my heart to provide for that family, knowing that they would not be there when we went back, then why did want me to do that?  He wanted me to do that to show my daughter what Jesus' love in action looked like.  He wanted me to show her what it looks like to live when you love Jesus.  And He did it to remind me that my ministry, my main ministry anyway, is at home, teaching my children.

I love how God has a way of showing himself to me.  And today I am content in knowing that I don't have to be out there saving the world to put a smile on his face.  I am in this season of life.  This season is sweet.   My kids are young and I know that in the blink of an eye they will be grown.  And in this season I am planting seeds, seeds that when watered and tended will produce a plentiful harvest.  I have nothing but gratitude for my God who loves me and guides me to his sweet contentment, and pure JOY <3 p="p">